Raising Strong Men

Hey Parents,

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday...and believe it or not November is almost gone!  Crazy!!  I wanted to close out our series today and to take a look at raising strong young men.  To be honest we've seen a lot of apathy from our male students over the past several months...no matter whether it's in Sunday School, IGNITE, Bible Study or even at FOCUS, it's obvious that our guys need guidance...so hopefully there's something here today that can encourage you and aid you in your parenting philosophies!

Raising Strong Men
So...I need help....I need to help because I'm raising boys.  And more accurately, raising boys who soon will be men!!

Author John Eldredge comes quite close to the truth, I think, when he says the question every young woman asks is "Am I captivating?"  While the question every young man asks is "Do I have what it takes?"

Sure, we live in a culture where teenage boys shave their chests and tone muscles for hours on end in the gym.  But I don't think that's where guys really rise and fall.  Underneath our style (or lack of it, which is also a style) there is a question I think every man eventually asks: Do I have what it takes?  Am I good enough?  Do I measure up?

I think most men start out believing that this question can be answered by proving ourselves.  So we:

• Strive to be the best on the team.
• Become an expert at something (from karate to chess club).
• Try to mark out our space in the marketplace
• Drive nice cars or buy toys that make us feel like we're something (what lipstick is to a woman, cars, guns, or toys are to a man - they make us feel complete....for a short while).
• Become dominant at something, even sadly, if it means the only arena in which you are dominant is your home.

All of these things (and more) pretend to answer the question "Do I have what it takes", but the older we get we realize that none of this is ultimately satisfying.  That all of it leaves us empty on the other side.  And after multiple conquests, we are still left unsatisfied.

And that's where our use of power falls short.  That's where our understanding of strength fails.  If that's what it takes to be a man, we will always be boys.

So what is it that makes us men?

I think there may be more than one answer to the question, but here is mine.

Power is best exercised when used in service of others.

Left unchecked, us men most naturally use power to advance ourselves.  But when we see power taught and modeled to use in the service of others, we realize that power is best used to serve others.

All of us know this instinctively:

• It's why we commend the man who holds the door open for those behind him.
• It's why we admire successful people known as much for their charity as their title.
• It's why we celebrate heroes, who put themselves at risk to save the life of others.
• It's why people who aren't even Christians admire Jesus, who laid down his life in service of others.

It's how God uses his power.  Maybe the key to being a man does indeed have something to do with power.  More precisely, it's about how we use power.

So how do you encourage boys and young men to use their power this way?

1.  Model it.  How do you as a parent (especially dads) serve your wife and children?  How have they seen you use your power for their benefit?  Do you use your strength and power to serve your wife, or do you rule over her?

2.  Teach it.  I had never heard this teaching until I was an adult.  Explaining to your sons how power is best used can be a powerful shaper for them.

3.  Practice it.  Encourage your 12-year-old to rake leaves for a senior adult neighbor (for free!!).  If he's a good student or athlete, have him help someone else who is struggling in that same area and befriend and encourage them.

4.  Give something away.  What you do (and they do) with money is critical.  Surplus isn't designed to fund excess.  Share it with those in need.

Parents (and especially Fathers!) if we can train our sons to use their power in service of others, we will indeed have raised strong men.  What have you done to help your sons use their powers to help others?

Heffe

IGNITE Preview and Raising Beautiful Girls

Alright parents....it's Wednesday...and that means IGNITE is TONIGHT!!  Here's a look at what we're talking about tonight:

New Friend Request: Respond
Someone to listen to my problems.  Someone to do stuff with.  Someone to talk to constantly.  Someone to hang out with.  When you make a list of what qualities you want in a friend, how many of the things on your list involve what that person can do for you?  Most of us would have to admit that it's a lot.  But the best friendships are ones that are not just about what the other person can do for you - the best friendships also involve how you can be there for someone else.  How you can listen, instead of always talking.  How you can give someone space when he or she needs it, or just hang out when your friend needs that too.  In other words, the best friendships are not centered solely on you - and that's a good thing.

Also, yesterday we started a 3 part series on Reshaping our View of raising our students...today we talk about the girls....

Raising Beautiful Girls
Girls....when they were little you were probably all about the hair bows, the ruffled socks, and the cute shoes.  You probably loved getting them ready for the day.  They were so cute!

It was easy back then.  You thought they were beautiful.  Your spouse thought they were beautiful.  In their little world, who else mattered?

But little girls grow up.  They become 6th graders.  Have you ever met a 6th grade little girl?  They are just beautiful.  They are gangly and unique.  They are natural and fresh.  They are awkward and wearing braces.  They are stuck between a little girl and all grown up.

Like I said, they're beautiful.

But at some point....things begin to change a bit.

One morning when your daughter was fixing her hair....she first put it up in a ponytail, then huffed in disgust, and took it down.  Then she curled it.  Then she straightened it.  Then she pulled it back.  She was getting more and more frustrated with her hair.....maybe you offered to help.

And maybe.....probably....at some point she says, "Mom, I hate my hair."  Maybe this was mind-blowing to you...the fact that your daughter who was born with a full head of beautiful hair could now make this type of declaration!  Total strangers might have stopped her on the street to tell her how beautiful her hair was...maybe she had the most beautiful hair out of anybody in the family, and yet when she looked in the mirror, she hated her hair.

Clearly she was not seeing what you saw.

Our girls need you to reflect back to them the truth about who they are.  There is so much more to them than what they look like.  They were created to be so much more than a pretty face.  But this world works against them.  It reflects something totally different back to them.

In the eyes of the world, our girls don't measure up.  They aren't thin enough, tall enough, or beautiful enough.

Very few women make it through those early years completely unscathed.  But if our girls are to grow up and thrive with confidence in spite of the standards of this world, they need our help.

Here are a few ideas:

Recognize and praise their non-appearance strengths.  Are they a fast runner, a great friend, a creative writer, or an excellent dancer?  Celebrate the qualities that make them unique.

Encourage and teach them how to take care of themselves.  Teach them that they need to get enough rest, exercise, eat right, shower, take care of their skin, brush their teeth, etc...When these things are lacking, it takes a toll on their confidence.

Don't allow yourself to obsess, publicly talk about, or criticize the physical flaws of your girls.  As parents we can be the worst.  Imagine a mom talking to Aunt (fill-in-the-blank)...."Have you seen Sarah's front tooth?  It sticks way out in the front and it's huge!"  We look at it like it's a medical or dental issue to be taken care of.  Braces are a good thing!  We have to remember that our words are a reflection back to our daughters of how we view them.

Celebrate uniqueness.  Point out the qualities that you see in them that make them special.  We all know that young girl who looks ordinary to the average observer, but when she smiles, the whole room lights up.  Point out and celebrate the differences more than you celebrate the sameness.

Teach your daughter from the beginning that God made them.  What if your daughter grew up believing that the God of the universe who created her uniquely knew her by name, had a plan for her life, and loved her?  How would this change the way that she viewed herself and her purpose in this world?

Some of our girls will struggle with this more than others.  It's our job as parents to keep reflecting back to them a healthy and true sense of who they are and who God created them to be.

Hope to see your students tonight!

Heffe

FOCUS: The Aftermath

Hey Parents,

Well I have somewhat recovered from what was a great FOCUS weekend and hopefully your students have too.  We had a great weekend of worship, fun, and we took a really in-depth and focused look at God's word thanks to our guest pastor for the weekend, Erik Reed who pastors The Journey Church over in Wilson County.  All told we had over 100 students and leaders from 5 churches across 3 different states...good times!

A big thank you goes out to all of our youth leaders who came out this weekend to hang out and lead our students...we couldn't do it without all you guys!

I wanted to share a thought with all you wonderful parents this morning...it's the first of a 3 part series I want to share with you this week.  This first article is written by an old camp friend Amy Fenton Lee...so read and enjoy!

Beauty: Reshaping Our View
No one has to be reminded when it's swimsuit season.  Imperfections become obsessions and the pressure to look photo-shop perfect is almost unbearable.  It is tough to instill a "character counts" mindset in our students when they are surrounded by the societal message "looks matter."  Unfortunately and often unknowingly, parents play into a culture placing great value on beauty and sex appeal.

Recently I was visiting older relatives in another state.  As a child, I vacationed many summers and holidays with these same family members.  Wandering through the home of a now aging great aunt, I noticed the particular family pictures she chose to display.  One wall showcased the formal portrait of an exceptionally photogenic cousin.  Another room exhibited a well-framed press photo of an aunt winning a a local beauty pageant.  As I perused the house.  I pondered the pictures my great aunt had chosen to keep through the years and the ones retired.  Sadly, photos of her less camera-friendly sister and nieces who physically care for her were missing.

Suddenly, I understood why I had struggled with a life-long unhealthy preoccupation with my own appearance.  Early on, I subconsciously processed the idea that being pretty generated recognition and self-worth.

I left my family trip sorting through rekindled memories with a fresh view.  Now the parent of a young child, I felt compelled to make a conscious effort to instill strong self esteem and reward character over camera appeal.  While it is wise to maintain appearances for a good first impression, there is a fine line between taking pride in oneself and idolizing beauty.

I will be the first to admit that this a struggle for me.  Several years ago a close friend pointed out that I was quick to share facts about someone's appearance or social status, rather than personality or character.  While their insight stung at the time, thankfully it spawned much needed personal growth.  As we seek to create an accepting and encouraging environment for our children it is important to reflect on our own value of appearance.  Making deliberate choices in our relationships and outward expressions ultimately defines the message we send others.

Look Inward:

• Ask yourself, do the people in my life represent a variety of color, shapes and sizes?
• Reflect on personal self worth when around others of varying looks.  Is there a difference in pride or embarrassment?

Express Outward:

• Resist making negative side comments about anyone's appearance, even if they are out of earshot.
• Initiate interest in a person that drives at discovering his or her passions, dreams, and desires for personal contribution.
• Affirm friends who wisely lose weight however make sure comments would not be received as an indication of how they are valued.
• Express genuine admiration for someone's appearance, while regularly praising their less superficial qualities (especially for young girls - when both appealing and wholesome presentation choices are made.)
• Avoid communicating critical remarks regarding appearance.  If a recurring issue of immodesty emerges, pray before a warranted conversation and approach the young person with an abundance of respect and love.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead it should be that of our inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4

Have a great Tuesday!

Heffe

FOCUS Details and IGNITE Report!

Ok Parents....

Below you will find the long-anticipated FOCUS details for this weekend...your students will also get a hand out tonight with the info as well:

Friday - Be at the church at 4:15 and we will leave at 4:30 PM.  We need parents to stay until we have checked off that we have each students medical permission form and balance paid.

If you haven't yet paid for your trip we need that to happen Friday afternoon.  If you are using Kroger money then you need to email Elizabeth at the church at elizabeth@fbcgoodlettsville.com, and she will take care of transferring funds for you.

Here is a list of what your student needs to bring with them:


Toiletries
Linens (Towel, sheets, blankets, etc)
Money for a meal and snack on the road.
BIBLE - please don't forget this!!!!
1 outfit that you don't mind smelling of bonfire for the rest of the trip.


We will be returning Sunday around 4:00 PM

If you have anymore questions about FOCUS, email me at Jeffkelly@fbcgoodlettsville.com or call me at 6158389755.

IGNITE is TONIGHT
Tonight we're kicking off a new series called "New Friend Request" and here's a peek at what we'll be talking about:

Having friends is great.  Whether you want one, or you already have one, there's just something about having other people in your life who you can count on.  For many, friendships just happen.  A new friend is in the right place at the right time.  And while friendships may start out randomly, there is an intentionality about who we allow close to us - and that's not necessarily a bad thing.  Because the people who are closest to you have influence on your life.  They help shape who you are.  So who are the friends closest to you....and how are they influencing you?

Hope to see your students tonight in The Attic @ 5:45 PM!

Heffe

Reading Romans

Hey Parents,

Well, it's another busy week here at FBCG as we prepare for our big FOCUS weekend...if you're student is going then they'll be getting an Info sheet handed out to them tomorrow night @ Ignite, so make sure your students are there!

We're wrapping up our Reading Romans series...our students will be closing it out by the end of November, but here's a brief recap of what they hit this past Sunday!

Students closed out Chapter 14 and here's a little bit of what they covered:

Ceasing Criticism (Romans 14:13-15)
Paul urged growing Christians to live by the law of love.  Doing so meant to refrain from being critical of other believers and instead choose to so live that one's actions never caused other believers to stumble in their faith.

Pursuing Priorities (Romans 14:16-18)
Mature Christians seek to live by a kingdom perspective, pursuing the qualities of righteousness, peace, and joy rather than insisting on actions about which Christians disagree.

Helping Others Grow (Romans 14:19-21)
Rather than look down on weaker Christians, mature believers needed to seek ways to help them grow in faith.  Such growth might not happen without some sacrifice on the part of the stronger believer.  Thus the apostle challenged mature Christians to humbly do whatever they could to build others up.

Keeping Quiet (Romans 14:22-23)
In the final verses, Paul taught that mature Christians know when to keep disputable matters private.  They might be able to engage in certain actions and behaviors with a clear conscience, but they should not insist on other believers having to accept or practice such actions if those other Christians had doubts in their conscience.

Chapter 14 as a whole is a chapter about what life as a mature Christian should look like in some very practical ways that hopefully will help your students in their walk with the Lord!

Check back tomorrow for an IGNITE update, more details on Focus and some other good stuff!

Heffe

Reading Romans

Hey Parents,

Wow, what a busy week we have at FBCG this week....we had a great night at Moss-Wright for the Pumpkin Fest last night, we have BIGNITE tomorrow night for our students, and then we have our annual women's event on Friday night...a lot of stuff going on!  So you're getting a very BRIEF Sunday School update today!  The students looked at the first 12 verses of Romans, chapter 14 so let's take a quick look at what the students talked about!

Romans 14:1-4
Paul encouraged believers to accept one another without criticism despite their differences over lesser issues.  The ground for mutual respect among Christians was God's gracious acceptance of them all.

Romans 14:5-9
The apostle went on to illustrate the debatable differences that could exist, including differences over what was acceptable to eat and the observance of various religious festivals and traditions.  Paul called on Christians to find unity and respect for one another centered on their sincere mutual commitment to the Lord.

Romans 14:10
Paul questioned why any Christian would feel it was OK to criticize or look down on another believer.  After all, Christians are spiritual brothers and sisters.

Romans 14:10-12
The apostle reminded both stronger and weaker Christians that ultimately all will give account of themselves to God.

Have a great Tuesday and tomorrow we'll share what's going down at BIGNITE!

Heffe