Parents,
August is here and so is BIGNITE....tonight we'll be having a Crazy Costume Skate Party at Rivergate Skate Center. Students are welcome and encouraged to dress as crazy as they want to and to come out for a fun night of fellowship! We'll be leaving the church at 5:45 and returning about 8:10. The cost is $5 plus extra money for snacks from the snack bar if they want them. Hope to see your students there!
Here's a parenting thought for you guys...have a great afternoon!
A House Divided
It used to frustrate me as a kid.
I would ask my parents if I could stay up later than my bedtime to watch TV or to play Nintendo or to talk on the phone (back when people used phones for that...). If I didn't get a "No," I would usually get "I have to check with your dad."
Having a devious kind of mind, I would go to my dad before mom could get to him hoping to find a chink in the armor. As soon as I asked the question, my dad would respond with, "What did your mom say?"
It was always with some resignation in my voice that I'd say, "that I have to ask you..." my voice trailing off at the end.
Sometimes, I would flip between my parents as the "messenger" three or four times to try to get an answer and would only hear, "It depends on what your mom/dad thinks." By the end of it, I was so tired I either wanted to go to bed or couldn't remember what I was asking about in the first place.
While that's a bit frustrating for you when you're 8 years old, my parents had a great strategy going: stay united. They realized that kids can spot division a mile away and enjoy driving trucks through whatever division they find.
What I've discovered through conversations with parents is that it's incredibly difficult work to stay on the same page as your spouse sometimes. Even though it's difficult, being on the same page as parents is so incredibly important.
So how does division between spouses happen? While there are more than a few causes, here are three practices that can lead you and your spouse off the same page:
Different approaches to parenting between parents: Chances are one of you is "strict" and the other more permissive. Believe it or not, your kids can sense that, and they'll use it to their advantage. Your different approaches to parenting get revealed over time and in specific situations. You might have started parenting thinking you had identical approaches. Only over time and testing do you realize you are worlds apart.
Snap Decisions: Your kids always want an answer now. Ever notice they rarely ask when your spouse is in the room? Because they see their need as urgent, you think you need to respond in an instant. Only later when you connect with your spouse do you learn how upset they are at the decision you made.
A focus on the short term: Every time your child or teen make a request, they are only thinking about the moment. As a parent, it's tempting for you to answer in the moment. If you want to foster an inconsistent approach to parenting and escalate conflict between you and your spouse, only focus on the short-term implications of every request you get. While the division between you and your spouse might not be that wide to start out with, a great way to ensure a giant chasm erupts is to only focus on the short-term implications of every request that comes your way. After a few years of this, you will be increasingly dissatisfied with where your family is heading and be increasingly resentful of your spouse.
What other practices have you noticed that get you and your spouse off the same parenting page?
Have a great week,
Jeff
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
This Week @ FBCG: End of Summer Edition
Parents,
Wow, I can't believe it but summer is ending and school is right around the corner...I'm sure some of you are rejoicing at the thought of your students going back to school while some might have actually enjoyed having them around for a few months!
I wanted to let you know a few tidbits of info about some things coming up in the next few weeks:
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT @ 5:45...we'll close out a discussion on Mormons that has been eye-opening for our students...send your kid to grab some knowledge tonight!
2. Bible Study, Lunch and Swimming tomorrow, Thursday from 12 - 3:15. Students need to bring a lunch, drink, Bible and towel with them...this will be our last Thursday Bible study of the summer.
3. Next Wednesday night, August 1st, will be BIGNITE...and we'll be having our Crazy Costume Roller Skating Fiesta at the Rivergate skate center...cost is $5 for skate rental and kids can bring snack money to eat on if needed!
4. Wednesday night, August 8th, INTERSECT begins in the Attic at 5:45...your students are not gonna want to miss this!!
Just a quick prayer note for you parents this week....Josh McMillan will be having back surgery next Tuesday morning so please be in prayer for him and Lydia as they go through the recovery process over the next several weeks!
Here's a thought for you to close out:
Unpacking by Jenna Scott
Wow, I can't believe it but summer is ending and school is right around the corner...I'm sure some of you are rejoicing at the thought of your students going back to school while some might have actually enjoyed having them around for a few months!
I wanted to let you know a few tidbits of info about some things coming up in the next few weeks:
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT @ 5:45...we'll close out a discussion on Mormons that has been eye-opening for our students...send your kid to grab some knowledge tonight!
2. Bible Study, Lunch and Swimming tomorrow, Thursday from 12 - 3:15. Students need to bring a lunch, drink, Bible and towel with them...this will be our last Thursday Bible study of the summer.
3. Next Wednesday night, August 1st, will be BIGNITE...and we'll be having our Crazy Costume Roller Skating Fiesta at the Rivergate skate center...cost is $5 for skate rental and kids can bring snack money to eat on if needed!
4. Wednesday night, August 8th, INTERSECT begins in the Attic at 5:45...your students are not gonna want to miss this!!
Just a quick prayer note for you parents this week....Josh McMillan will be having back surgery next Tuesday morning so please be in prayer for him and Lydia as they go through the recovery process over the next several weeks!
Here's a thought for you to close out:
Unpacking by Jenna Scott
Our family is in the middle of an epic seven week Camp KidJam summer tour. With kids aged 4-9, that means Dan and I are doing most of the important packing for them. To ensure that they have enough underwear, sturdy shoes and a toothbrush rather than only stuffed animals, stickers or 13 pounds of Legos.
Mid tour, we stopped for a mini vacation at my parents’ log cabin. We threw our giant duffle bags on the floor and sought out familiar couches, books, toys and cabin nooks. I was tempted to let everyone dig their own clothes out of the carryalls for the week, this was vacation, right?
But after the first request for a bathing suit, I quickly realized that despite careful packing, our clothes had become a crazy, jumbled mess on the long, bumpy, road trip.
Each time we had pulled into a new camp, we had burst out of the van eager to explore the grounds. But each week I had diligently taken the time to slow down, unpack everyone’s clothes, and organize them so they could easily see, choose, take, and use.
And I’m glad I did, because in the frenzy of the camp week, it had been totally worth taking the prep time to set my kids up to successfully navigate quick changes of clothes between transitions in the camp “schedule” in an unfamiliar space.
As I tore myself away from the cozy chair on the cabin’s sun porch to deal with the bags of clothes yet again, I couldn’t help but see a parallel as clearly as the sunbeams on the rustic wooden floor: that unpacking and preparation ought to be done as diligently and carefully in our kids’ spiritual lives as their physical ones.
As a parent, I’m responsible to set my children up for success. If I’m being intentional about passing on my faith, I’m not just handing them a Bible and expecting them to figure it all out on their own.
Until they can do it on their own, it’s my responsibility to carefully sort and set out the tenets of our faith in easy to reach pieces, to teach my children to pray like I taught them to put on their own socks, to carefully guide them in the art of curling up in God’s promises like a beloved fleece blanket, to invite them to delight in Psalmy worship like twirling in a freshly-laundered puffy skirt. To make the Bible and God’s character easy for them to see, choose, take, and use.
Like choosing clothes that fit my children and are appropriate for the season of the year, I ought to be making the Word of God and how to have a relationship with Him accessible to them on a level they can understand. Setting them up to succeed at this faith thing no matter the frenzy of life or schedule that is swirling around them.
How are you unpacking spiritual things to make it easy for your children to see, choose, take, and use?
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
FBCG This Week: Recovery Edition
Hey Parents,
What a great week we had last week during VBS and G-Fuge. Our students worked their tails off and had a great time while doing it! I've already received numerous comments from VBS teachers and those we helped out during G-Fuge who had expressed great thanks at the hard work of the students so I couldn't be prouder of them! Each day we had a solid crew of over 30 students who we sent out into the community to show the love of Christ!
Not only was it a week where our students put in a lot of hard work, but it was also a week where God really spoke into their lives through our times of worship each night. My good friend, Cesar Correa led us through the book of Jonah and our students were challenged by what they heard. I'm praying that this week will be one that we can remember back to as a "mile-marker" week in the spiritual lives of our students.
If your students are anything like me, after last week (and certainly after the Lock-Out) they have been in need of some rest and downtime this week and so we don't have much going on at church this week to allow time for some recovery!
However, there are a few bits of info for you to know:
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT! We'll meet in The Attic @ 5:45 to continue our look at the story of Job. We'll also play some "Poop Deck" so send your students for some good fellowship and most importantly some good time looking into God's Word!
2. This Saturday evening we will be hosting the Goodlettsville Community Help Center dinner here at the church and we will be in need of some youth who would be willing to help us out...I will give them more details tonight @ IGNITE and I will also email you as parents as I receive more info in the next day or two.
3. As Centrifuge approaches, you will be receiving some paperwork in the next week with all the info you'll need about summer camp. We ask that you guys would be diligent in helping to settle your balances BEFORE camp if at all possible...that helps us out tremendously in projecting all other costs for the rest of the trip. If you have any questions please let me know.
That's it for this week! Here'a something for you to think on this week!
Entitled Parents
It's one thing to work on helping your kids fight an attitude of entitlement like we talked about earlier this week, but let's face it, to some extent, they learned the behavior from us.
If that's true, what can you dod to fight entitlement in your own life? The more you live out the values you want to see in your kids, the better chance your kids have of living that out too.
It's so critical we combat entitlement in ourselves and our kids because entitlement kills our ability to experience two critical things in life: gratitude and joy. None of us would sign up our kids to live their lives without gratitude or joy, yet it's surprising how many adults live without either. Entitlement does that.
First, entitled people are never grateful people. If you believe you have something coming to you, it's hard to receive it as a gift, a bonus, an unexpected benefit or even a surprise. In your mind, someone owes it to you. It had better be good. In fact, you might believe more should have been done for you. How can you ever be grateful as a result?
Second, entitled people experience very little joy. Because gratitude is absent, so is delight. It's so very hard to find pleasure in what you have because you had it coming to you, it's yours, and you live in a quiet fear of losing it. Entitled people fight so hard to get what they want that they can't imagine life without it. That fear alone robs them of any joy.
So what do you do? Here are 3 things that have helped me fight entitlement when I feel it creeping in:
1. Decide that no one owes you anything. No one owes you a job. No one owes you love or respect. No one owes you kindness. In fact, God doesn't owe you anything (that's actually quite sound biblically, you know). Instead, start to see everything that comes to you as a gift. You will cherish and value your job, your family, your possessions and even your relationship with God much more deeply. I promise!
2. Be generous. Entitled people don't share well. In fact, they hoard. They hoard credit (but aren't afraid to assign blame), they hang onto possessions, are stingy givers and have a "fixed pie" mindset. Giving money away and sharing the things you have can help break the back of greed and the idea that you deserve everything that's come your way.
3. Hold what you have loosely. I regularly remind myself that all the work I do, the relationships I have, and the possessions I have are a privilege and a trust given to me by God and other people around me. I am fortunate to be able to do what I do and have what I have. And if they are taken away, that is fine, because I will have what matters most: a deep relationship with God and the people closest to me. Holding things loosely reminds me that they are on loan, and not entirely deserved.
Theses 3 things help me combat entitlement in my own heart.
I hope that as I have kids, they will see me battle entitlement in my life and that it will help them battle it in theirs. How about you?
Have a great week!
Jeff
What a great week we had last week during VBS and G-Fuge. Our students worked their tails off and had a great time while doing it! I've already received numerous comments from VBS teachers and those we helped out during G-Fuge who had expressed great thanks at the hard work of the students so I couldn't be prouder of them! Each day we had a solid crew of over 30 students who we sent out into the community to show the love of Christ!
Not only was it a week where our students put in a lot of hard work, but it was also a week where God really spoke into their lives through our times of worship each night. My good friend, Cesar Correa led us through the book of Jonah and our students were challenged by what they heard. I'm praying that this week will be one that we can remember back to as a "mile-marker" week in the spiritual lives of our students.
If your students are anything like me, after last week (and certainly after the Lock-Out) they have been in need of some rest and downtime this week and so we don't have much going on at church this week to allow time for some recovery!
However, there are a few bits of info for you to know:
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT! We'll meet in The Attic @ 5:45 to continue our look at the story of Job. We'll also play some "Poop Deck" so send your students for some good fellowship and most importantly some good time looking into God's Word!
2. This Saturday evening we will be hosting the Goodlettsville Community Help Center dinner here at the church and we will be in need of some youth who would be willing to help us out...I will give them more details tonight @ IGNITE and I will also email you as parents as I receive more info in the next day or two.
3. As Centrifuge approaches, you will be receiving some paperwork in the next week with all the info you'll need about summer camp. We ask that you guys would be diligent in helping to settle your balances BEFORE camp if at all possible...that helps us out tremendously in projecting all other costs for the rest of the trip. If you have any questions please let me know.
That's it for this week! Here'a something for you to think on this week!
Entitled Parents
It's one thing to work on helping your kids fight an attitude of entitlement like we talked about earlier this week, but let's face it, to some extent, they learned the behavior from us.
If that's true, what can you dod to fight entitlement in your own life? The more you live out the values you want to see in your kids, the better chance your kids have of living that out too.
It's so critical we combat entitlement in ourselves and our kids because entitlement kills our ability to experience two critical things in life: gratitude and joy. None of us would sign up our kids to live their lives without gratitude or joy, yet it's surprising how many adults live without either. Entitlement does that.
First, entitled people are never grateful people. If you believe you have something coming to you, it's hard to receive it as a gift, a bonus, an unexpected benefit or even a surprise. In your mind, someone owes it to you. It had better be good. In fact, you might believe more should have been done for you. How can you ever be grateful as a result?
Second, entitled people experience very little joy. Because gratitude is absent, so is delight. It's so very hard to find pleasure in what you have because you had it coming to you, it's yours, and you live in a quiet fear of losing it. Entitled people fight so hard to get what they want that they can't imagine life without it. That fear alone robs them of any joy.
So what do you do? Here are 3 things that have helped me fight entitlement when I feel it creeping in:
1. Decide that no one owes you anything. No one owes you a job. No one owes you love or respect. No one owes you kindness. In fact, God doesn't owe you anything (that's actually quite sound biblically, you know). Instead, start to see everything that comes to you as a gift. You will cherish and value your job, your family, your possessions and even your relationship with God much more deeply. I promise!
2. Be generous. Entitled people don't share well. In fact, they hoard. They hoard credit (but aren't afraid to assign blame), they hang onto possessions, are stingy givers and have a "fixed pie" mindset. Giving money away and sharing the things you have can help break the back of greed and the idea that you deserve everything that's come your way.
3. Hold what you have loosely. I regularly remind myself that all the work I do, the relationships I have, and the possessions I have are a privilege and a trust given to me by God and other people around me. I am fortunate to be able to do what I do and have what I have. And if they are taken away, that is fine, because I will have what matters most: a deep relationship with God and the people closest to me. Holding things loosely reminds me that they are on loan, and not entirely deserved.
Theses 3 things help me combat entitlement in my own heart.
I hope that as I have kids, they will see me battle entitlement in my life and that it will help them battle it in theirs. How about you?
Have a great week!
Jeff
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
This Week @ FBCG: G-Fuge Edition
Hey Parents,
Next week is going to be a full week in the life of our church and our student ministry here at FBCG. We will be hosting VBS and G-Fuge. I trust most of you know what VBS is but below you will find all the info you need for G-Fuge and how your kids can plug in. So here we go....
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT - we're gonna look at Job and talk about what true character is and ask the question "Does God ever consider me?....." Send your youthies to The Attic tonight @ 5:45 to learn what that question means!
2. All the below information about G-Fuge will be coming to you in a letter form by the end of this week....we wanted to make sure there was no excuse for you parents not to have it....so you can read it now here on the blog, or wait until your letter arrives....or both!!!
G-FUGE 2012
Parents,
Next week, June 4-8, we’ll be hosting our G-FUGE 2012 event, corresponding with the church-wide VBS. Here’s what you need to know:
What is G-Fuge?
G-Fuge is a week long experience where our students will have the opportunity to serve our community through working in VBS and afternoon mission projects. Our evenings will be filled with a group time of worship and Bible study and will conclude with students going back to host homes to “crash” for the night.
What’s the Schedule for G-Fuge?
Monday -Thursday Friday
9:00 - Arrive for VBS 9:00 - Arrive for VBS
9:00 - 12:00 - VBS @ FBCG 9:00 - 12:00 - VBS @ FBCG
12:00 - 1:00 - Lunch provided @ FBCG 12:00 - 1:00 - Lunch provided @ FBCG
1:00 - 4:00 - Depart FBCG for mission projects 1:00 - Students picked up from FBCG
4:30 - Students picked up from FBCG 6:30 - Students arrive for Lock-Out
7:00 - Worship in The Attic (picked up Saturday morning @ 8AM)
8:30 - Students leave for host homes
G-Fuge Parent Notes
- Cost is $80 which includes t-shirt, lock-out expenses, lunches, our speaker for the week, work materials for mission projects.
- Each afternoon we are asking parents to pick students up at 4:30 PM @ FBCG. This will allow the students time to go home, shower, and eat dinner. We realize this might be a problem for some families (picking students up at 4:30 and driving them back down each night by 7:00)...so we encourage families to carpool and work together to give our G-FUGE host homes an afternoon break and to cut down on expenses.
- Also, if there is absolutely no way you can pick your student up, Mike and Ann Allen have agreed to allow students to come and crash at their house during the afternoons and we can even provide dinner for your child....all we ask is that you let us know each day if your child will be going to Mike’s.
- Your students will need to bring clothes that they can work in and get dirty in, snacks for evening crash times, a Bible, sleeping bag and pillow. We also may ask students to bring some specific tools to help with our projects.
- Our host homes will be the Norman’s, and Brooks’ for the girls and the Allen’s for the guys.
- We understand that some students will need to miss parts of the week due to work schedules, sports and family issues. Students are welcome to come and go as needed as long as they have informed Jeff or Josh of their need to be gone.
- We are requiring students to have participated in at least one day of G-FUGE activities (VBS or G-FUGE during the day and then the Worship time in the evening) to be eligible to go to the Lock-Out.
- Your $80 is due on Thursday, June 7th. Also PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO SIGN YOUR STUDENTS UP ON THE CHURCH WEBSITE....this will allow us to get a correct and accurate t-shirt order placed. You can find the sign-up at http://fbcgoodlettsville.com/gfuge
- As always, if finances are a cause of concern for you at this time, please let Jeff know as we have several senior saints who would love to sponsor a student in need of a little help.
- Lock-Out activities will include a movie (Snow White and The Huntsmen rated PG-13), swimming at the Roettger’s, Laser Quest downtown, bowling at Circus World in Hendersonville, and then breakfast and dodgeball back at the church. Marty Meadows and Jeff Kelly will be transporting the students with the church bus and church van throughout the night. NO STUDENTS WILL BE ALLOWED TO DRIVE DURING THE LOCK-OUT.
- Our guest speaker for the week will be Cesar Correa who served as Jeff and Crystal’s youth minister at Mt. Olive Baptist Church in Knoxville TN. Jeff worked alongside Cesar for 6 years as he got his start in the ministry. Cesar has recently left Mt. Olive as he is feeling God to use him to plan a new church in the city of Knoxville. Cesar, a native Brazilian has a huge heart for the nations and for God’s missional call in all of our lives. He has led groups to Brazil and Africa and has a heart for the lost. Our students are going to have a great week walking through the story of Jonah with Cesar during our worship times each evening!
- If you have any questions or concerns please contact Jeff through his cell (615-838-9755) or through email Jeffkelly@fbcgoodlettsville.com
We are looking forward to a great week and we hope you are planning and ENCOURAGING your student to be a part of the week!
In His Service,
Jeff
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
This Week @ FBCG: End of School Edition
Parents,
Well the end of school is here and that also means the start of summer is here too!! Praise the Lord!! This is one of the last "quiet" weeks that we will have for a while so let me get you caught up on all the info you need to know:
1. IGNITE is tonight....we'll meet in The Attic @5:45 and finish up our conversation on our identity in Christ. Tonight we're gonna walk through what our purpose is from a Biblical foundation...we'll also play some Charades...gonna be a good night!
2. This coming Sunday is Memorial Day....we'll have Sunday School and Sunday morning worship and then we'll take the evening off so there will be no Bible studies!
3. Coming up the first week of June (June 4-8) we will be hosting VBS and GFUGE hear at FBC. If your student has not already signed up to work VBS they can still come and hang out. We also have our GFUGE sign-up link up and live on the church website (fbcgoodlettsville.com/gfuge.com). Students can begin signing up and also I will be sending a letter out that you will receive at the end of this week with all the info that you will need!
The cost for the entire week is $80 which covers a t-shirt, lunch all week long, expenses for materials for the work week, our fantastic speaker that's coming in and also a lock-in to beat all lock-ins on Friday night!! It's gonna be a great week!!
That's all I'm gonna give you this week...please let me know if you have any questions! Have a great week!
Here's some food for thought for you this week:
5 Ways to Fight Entitlement in Your Kids
Like most parents, you feel this terrible tug.
On the one hand, you want to provide your child with every advantage. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like when you do that, you're feeding an incredibly unhealthy characteristic in our culture.
For whatever reason, we're living in the midst of an entitlement epidemic. Probably more than any other generation before us, our generation feels as though we have a right to things that used to be defined as wants, or even privileges.
Here's how the cycle starts:
On the day your child is born, it's easy to decide as a parent that you need to give your child every advantage.
So you compete. You made sure he had bright colors in his nursery and exactly the right kind of mobile to stimulate his brain, but now it's an all out frenzy to ensure your preschooler can swim, skate, hit a ball, paint frame able art, read, write, and speak classical Greek before his 4th birthday.
And don't worry, because by the time you're done with the race to kindergarten, the culture has taken over feeding the frenzy. Your child has now seen enough advertisements and made enough friends to believe that his or her every desire not only can be met, but should be met. The boots that every other stylish kid is wearing are not a privilege, they are a right. Or so you've been told.
And then other inalienable rights emerge: the right to a phone for texting, iPhones, Facebook and so much more.
Somewhere in the mix, you found yourself realizing that you are tempted to pay your kids every "act of service" rendered in the house, from emptying the trash to picking up each sock.
And you realize something is desperately wrong. And you would be correct in that.
So, what do you do to fight entitlement in yourself and in your kids? Here are five suggestions:
1. Be clear on wants and needs. Shelter, Food, Clothes...Take time to explain what is actually a need and what a want is. Culture will never explain it to them. You need to.
2. Reclaim special occasions. There is nothing wrong with not buying wants for your kids in every day life. Save the special things for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and the like. You don't need to indulge for no reason. In fact, you probably shouldn't.
3. Set a budget and let them choose. With back to school shopping and seasonal purchases, start setting a budget with your kids early and let them choose how they would spend it. They become much more frugal shoppers when all of a sudden they realize that money is limited and they can get more if they shop around.
4. Establish an allowance and expectations. An allowance is a great way for kids to learn responsibility. My father encouraged me and my sister to give 10 percent of every thing we earned, to save 10 percent, and live off the rest. Explain what gets covered and not covered out of that allowance.
5. Be clear about what you will never pay them for. There are some things that you do because you are part of the family. You can decide where that lands in your home. Make a list of responsibilities that no one gets paid for that you do because you are part of the family. To help with this, why not ask your kids what a reasonable list looks like. Involving them will help them own the decision. Second, make sure you follow up. And hold them responsible for what you all agreed to do. Otherwise you will be tempted to pay for everything or just roll your eyes daily and do it yourself.
Approaches like these can help you to raise kids who see life as a series of privileges, who live gratefully, and realize their responsibility to others.
How is our entitlement culture impacting your family? And how have you learned to battle it?
Jeff
Well the end of school is here and that also means the start of summer is here too!! Praise the Lord!! This is one of the last "quiet" weeks that we will have for a while so let me get you caught up on all the info you need to know:
1. IGNITE is tonight....we'll meet in The Attic @5:45 and finish up our conversation on our identity in Christ. Tonight we're gonna walk through what our purpose is from a Biblical foundation...we'll also play some Charades...gonna be a good night!
2. This coming Sunday is Memorial Day....we'll have Sunday School and Sunday morning worship and then we'll take the evening off so there will be no Bible studies!
3. Coming up the first week of June (June 4-8) we will be hosting VBS and GFUGE hear at FBC. If your student has not already signed up to work VBS they can still come and hang out. We also have our GFUGE sign-up link up and live on the church website (fbcgoodlettsville.com/gfuge.com). Students can begin signing up and also I will be sending a letter out that you will receive at the end of this week with all the info that you will need!
The cost for the entire week is $80 which covers a t-shirt, lunch all week long, expenses for materials for the work week, our fantastic speaker that's coming in and also a lock-in to beat all lock-ins on Friday night!! It's gonna be a great week!!
That's all I'm gonna give you this week...please let me know if you have any questions! Have a great week!
Here's some food for thought for you this week:
5 Ways to Fight Entitlement in Your Kids
Like most parents, you feel this terrible tug.
On the one hand, you want to provide your child with every advantage. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like when you do that, you're feeding an incredibly unhealthy characteristic in our culture.
For whatever reason, we're living in the midst of an entitlement epidemic. Probably more than any other generation before us, our generation feels as though we have a right to things that used to be defined as wants, or even privileges.
Here's how the cycle starts:
On the day your child is born, it's easy to decide as a parent that you need to give your child every advantage.
So you compete. You made sure he had bright colors in his nursery and exactly the right kind of mobile to stimulate his brain, but now it's an all out frenzy to ensure your preschooler can swim, skate, hit a ball, paint frame able art, read, write, and speak classical Greek before his 4th birthday.
And don't worry, because by the time you're done with the race to kindergarten, the culture has taken over feeding the frenzy. Your child has now seen enough advertisements and made enough friends to believe that his or her every desire not only can be met, but should be met. The boots that every other stylish kid is wearing are not a privilege, they are a right. Or so you've been told.
And then other inalienable rights emerge: the right to a phone for texting, iPhones, Facebook and so much more.
Somewhere in the mix, you found yourself realizing that you are tempted to pay your kids every "act of service" rendered in the house, from emptying the trash to picking up each sock.
And you realize something is desperately wrong. And you would be correct in that.
So, what do you do to fight entitlement in yourself and in your kids? Here are five suggestions:
1. Be clear on wants and needs. Shelter, Food, Clothes...Take time to explain what is actually a need and what a want is. Culture will never explain it to them. You need to.
2. Reclaim special occasions. There is nothing wrong with not buying wants for your kids in every day life. Save the special things for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and the like. You don't need to indulge for no reason. In fact, you probably shouldn't.
3. Set a budget and let them choose. With back to school shopping and seasonal purchases, start setting a budget with your kids early and let them choose how they would spend it. They become much more frugal shoppers when all of a sudden they realize that money is limited and they can get more if they shop around.
4. Establish an allowance and expectations. An allowance is a great way for kids to learn responsibility. My father encouraged me and my sister to give 10 percent of every thing we earned, to save 10 percent, and live off the rest. Explain what gets covered and not covered out of that allowance.
5. Be clear about what you will never pay them for. There are some things that you do because you are part of the family. You can decide where that lands in your home. Make a list of responsibilities that no one gets paid for that you do because you are part of the family. To help with this, why not ask your kids what a reasonable list looks like. Involving them will help them own the decision. Second, make sure you follow up. And hold them responsible for what you all agreed to do. Otherwise you will be tempted to pay for everything or just roll your eyes daily and do it yourself.
Approaches like these can help you to raise kids who see life as a series of privileges, who live gratefully, and realize their responsibility to others.
How is our entitlement culture impacting your family? And how have you learned to battle it?
Jeff
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
This Week @ FBCG: Mother's Day Edition
Hey Parents,
Hope you're May has gotten off to a great start....we're coming up on Mother's Day this Sunday (don't worry, I'll gently remind your kids about that tonight @ IGNITE), Graduate Recognition, and Summer, so there's a lot of info that you will want....so here it is!
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT....We'll kick off at 5:45 up in The Attic so we hope to see your students tonight....we're going to tackle the question "Who Are You" and challenge students to take a long look at themselves so it's gonna be good stuff!
2. We have NO BIBLE STUDIES this Sunday night due to Mother's Day! That way moms, we can make sure the whole family has plenty of time to take you someplace nice!!
3. Sunday, May 20th we will be having our Graduate Breakfast during Sunday School (which all of you should have received a letter in the snail mail in regards to what foods we need you to help provide). We also will recognize our seniors during the 10:30 AM Worship service. We have a great group of 8 students graduating this year and we are very proud of them!
4. If you are the parent of a graduating senior, you should have received a special email from me today concerning senior pictures and video preparations. I need you to respond to me ASAP if you're senior is to be included in the morning's festivities!
5. Friday night, May 18th we'll be having a camp-out/bonfire at the Boxwell Springs boy scout campground. Students will sleep in cabins and I will have more details for you next week in the blog so check back!!
6. We are still in need of 4-5 houses willing to house students on the evenings of June 4-7 (Mon-Thurs) for our GFUGE event. Host home families will not have to provide any meals and will only be needed to help possibly transport students from the church to the homes after our evening worship times (around 8:30 PM) and back to the church in the mornings for VBS....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE think and pray about being willing to help make this weekend a bigger success for our student ministry by hosting some students!!
7. If you're student in going to Centrifuge with us this summer than we need your second payment installment of $100 by this Sunday...if you need to make other financial arrangements, please let me know. Also, if you are transferring money over from a Kroger account, please email me (Jeffkelly@fbcgoodlettsville.com) or Elizabeth (elizabeth@fbcgoodlettsville.com) to let us know of your intentions!
Hope you all have a great week...and below another thought for your Wednesday:
5 Ways to Build Integrity as a Parent
Last week we identified five signs that show you might lack integrity in your parenting. Integrity is such a core issue. Like a building that's well constructed, a leader who has integrity survives storms in tact. And integrity is compelling. We all want to be around people of integrity. Why would our kids be any different?
The more integrity you have as a parent, the more your kids will appreciate your leadership in their lives. Don't get me wrong, having integrity doesn't mean everything goes swimmingly as a parent. It's just better for everyone in the end, and you end up becoming far more of the person God intends you to be.
So, how do you build integrity? Here are 5 suggestions that can help you build integrity....
1. Park your pride.
There actually is a world of difference between wanting great things for your kids and wanting to be known as a parent of a child who does great things. Parents should encourage and at times even push their kids, but the best way to handle this, that I know of, is to do a motive check: Why and I pushing her? Why am I encouraging him? If it's more about you than it is about them, get on your knees and confess it. God has a way of dealing with our selfish motivations.
2. Become the person you want your child to become.
It is so much easier to see the faults in others than it is to admit our own and deal with them. Start working on your own character as much as you work on your kids' character. Enlist a friend. Go see a counselor. Educate yourself. Make it a personal priority. The healthier you get, the better chance your kids have of seeing what life can really be.
3. Get on the same page as your spouse.
Yes, this is hard work. And no, it can rarely be done in the moment. Sit down with your spouse when there's no "issue" to debate and talk about your differences. Be respectful, prayerful, and kind. Decide together you are not going to quit at this until you can find some common ground. Go see a counselor. Talk to friends. This is incredibly difficult work, but it's so worth it. And where disagreement still exists, agree with what your partner said publicly and then address it afterwards privately, when the kids aren't around. Your kids want you to be on the same page. They really do.
4. Do what you said you were going to do.
Doing what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it is actually the foundation of trust. If you have a habit of making empty promises, stop. Your kids can only handle so much disappointment. Be on time. Under-promise. Over-deliver. Become an expert at time and project management. Often, parents fail on coming through on promises not because they intended to lie, but because the budget got out of control, they lost track of time or they had too many things going on to do them all. Get a calendar. Keep a budget. Find a good to-do app on your phone. The more organized you are, the more you'll be able to do what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it. Your kids will learn to trust you.
5. Be authoritative, not authoritarian.
Authoritative parents encourage independence (that's where your child is heading anyway, right?), but enforce boundaries and limits. Authoritarian parents rarely present choices, options, independent thought or freedom. They like control. Don't confuse being authoritative with being permissive - authoritative parents might have the same boundaries as authoritarian parents. They just believe that by pursuing discussion, questions and by listening as well as speaking, their children will come to share the values they share. Most often, they do.
These are some strategies to help us weather the storms. What would you add? What have you learned?
Hope you're May has gotten off to a great start....we're coming up on Mother's Day this Sunday (don't worry, I'll gently remind your kids about that tonight @ IGNITE), Graduate Recognition, and Summer, so there's a lot of info that you will want....so here it is!
1. IGNITE is TONIGHT....We'll kick off at 5:45 up in The Attic so we hope to see your students tonight....we're going to tackle the question "Who Are You" and challenge students to take a long look at themselves so it's gonna be good stuff!
2. We have NO BIBLE STUDIES this Sunday night due to Mother's Day! That way moms, we can make sure the whole family has plenty of time to take you someplace nice!!
3. Sunday, May 20th we will be having our Graduate Breakfast during Sunday School (which all of you should have received a letter in the snail mail in regards to what foods we need you to help provide). We also will recognize our seniors during the 10:30 AM Worship service. We have a great group of 8 students graduating this year and we are very proud of them!
4. If you are the parent of a graduating senior, you should have received a special email from me today concerning senior pictures and video preparations. I need you to respond to me ASAP if you're senior is to be included in the morning's festivities!
5. Friday night, May 18th we'll be having a camp-out/bonfire at the Boxwell Springs boy scout campground. Students will sleep in cabins and I will have more details for you next week in the blog so check back!!
6. We are still in need of 4-5 houses willing to house students on the evenings of June 4-7 (Mon-Thurs) for our GFUGE event. Host home families will not have to provide any meals and will only be needed to help possibly transport students from the church to the homes after our evening worship times (around 8:30 PM) and back to the church in the mornings for VBS....PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE think and pray about being willing to help make this weekend a bigger success for our student ministry by hosting some students!!
7. If you're student in going to Centrifuge with us this summer than we need your second payment installment of $100 by this Sunday...if you need to make other financial arrangements, please let me know. Also, if you are transferring money over from a Kroger account, please email me (Jeffkelly@fbcgoodlettsville.com) or Elizabeth (elizabeth@fbcgoodlettsville.com) to let us know of your intentions!
Hope you all have a great week...and below another thought for your Wednesday:
5 Ways to Build Integrity as a Parent
Last week we identified five signs that show you might lack integrity in your parenting. Integrity is such a core issue. Like a building that's well constructed, a leader who has integrity survives storms in tact. And integrity is compelling. We all want to be around people of integrity. Why would our kids be any different?
The more integrity you have as a parent, the more your kids will appreciate your leadership in their lives. Don't get me wrong, having integrity doesn't mean everything goes swimmingly as a parent. It's just better for everyone in the end, and you end up becoming far more of the person God intends you to be.
So, how do you build integrity? Here are 5 suggestions that can help you build integrity....
1. Park your pride.
There actually is a world of difference between wanting great things for your kids and wanting to be known as a parent of a child who does great things. Parents should encourage and at times even push their kids, but the best way to handle this, that I know of, is to do a motive check: Why and I pushing her? Why am I encouraging him? If it's more about you than it is about them, get on your knees and confess it. God has a way of dealing with our selfish motivations.
2. Become the person you want your child to become.
It is so much easier to see the faults in others than it is to admit our own and deal with them. Start working on your own character as much as you work on your kids' character. Enlist a friend. Go see a counselor. Educate yourself. Make it a personal priority. The healthier you get, the better chance your kids have of seeing what life can really be.
3. Get on the same page as your spouse.
Yes, this is hard work. And no, it can rarely be done in the moment. Sit down with your spouse when there's no "issue" to debate and talk about your differences. Be respectful, prayerful, and kind. Decide together you are not going to quit at this until you can find some common ground. Go see a counselor. Talk to friends. This is incredibly difficult work, but it's so worth it. And where disagreement still exists, agree with what your partner said publicly and then address it afterwards privately, when the kids aren't around. Your kids want you to be on the same page. They really do.
4. Do what you said you were going to do.
Doing what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it is actually the foundation of trust. If you have a habit of making empty promises, stop. Your kids can only handle so much disappointment. Be on time. Under-promise. Over-deliver. Become an expert at time and project management. Often, parents fail on coming through on promises not because they intended to lie, but because the budget got out of control, they lost track of time or they had too many things going on to do them all. Get a calendar. Keep a budget. Find a good to-do app on your phone. The more organized you are, the more you'll be able to do what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it. Your kids will learn to trust you.
5. Be authoritative, not authoritarian.
Authoritative parents encourage independence (that's where your child is heading anyway, right?), but enforce boundaries and limits. Authoritarian parents rarely present choices, options, independent thought or freedom. They like control. Don't confuse being authoritative with being permissive - authoritative parents might have the same boundaries as authoritarian parents. They just believe that by pursuing discussion, questions and by listening as well as speaking, their children will come to share the values they share. Most often, they do.
These are some strategies to help us weather the storms. What would you add? What have you learned?
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
This Week @ FBCG: Kickball Edition
Hey Parents,
It's Wednesday, so it's time for this week's blog with all the info you need for the week!
1. BIGNITE is TONIGHT! We're gonna be grilling out dogs and burgers and playing some kickball over at Moss-Wright park from 5:30 - 7:30. We'll be meeting up near the sand volleyball courts so that's where you can drop off and pick up your students. The event is free so bring your kids and bring a neighbor's kids!
2. Sunday morning, our students will be diving into the book of Luke again during Sunday School....we get cranked up at 9:30!
3. Sunday night both our guys and girls Bible studies will be meeting at 6 PM (girls at the Kelly house, guys at the McMillan house).
4. All of you should receive a letter in the mail sometime this week about our Graduate Recognition breakfast that we will be having on Sunday morning, May 20th. Please be prepared to help us out in honoring our seniors by providing a breakfast dish as instructed in the letter. If you are the parent of one of our seniors, please know that we don't expect you to cook anything...we just want you to come!
5. Parents of Seniors - I need 10-12 pictures of your seniors ASAP to put together the Senior video...it would be best if you could bring me a digital copy if you have one, but if not I can scan them in. Also we want to invite you to come in (at your earliest convenience) to record a audio message to your senior that we will play behind the pictures. You can call me (615-838-9755) or email me (Jeffkelly@fbcgoodlettsville.com) to set up a time to do this.
6. If your student is going to Centrifuge with us this summer, we need to get the second payment in towards their balance. This is a $100 payment. If you are using Kroger funds, please email me at the address above or Elizabeth (elizabeth@fbcgoodlettsville.com) to let us know so we can get the funds moved. If you have not paid your $50 deposit that was due last month, we will need a payment of $150 this week to hold your student's spot. After this coming Sunday we will begin the process of dropping spots that have been left unpaid (if we don't it ends up costing the church an extra $50 per student spot that we hold onto that is left vacant). Please contact me if we need to work out additional payment options for you and your student, and we'll be happy to do so!
7. During the week of June 4-8 we will be hosting VBS and GFUGE here at FBCG. As part of our GFUGE event we are in need of 4-5 homes that would be willing to let 8-12 students crash at their homes on Mon-Thurs evenings. You would not be responsible for feeding any meals to students, but rather simply allowing a place for them to crash and sleep in the evenings. We also would need you to help us transport them to the church for VBS each morning and to help get them back to your homes each evening. I know this is a lot to ask (4 whole nights!!!) but this is a crucial component of the social aspect of the event. If you would be willing to help us by hosting a group of students please let me know ASAP!
8. Friday night, May 18th we will be having a campout and bonfire at the Boxwell Springs Boyscout campground. This will be a co-ed event with students sleeping in cabins. We'll grill on the bonfire, play some capture the flag and have a great night of fun...more details TBA next week.
That's a lot of info so let me know if you have any questions....below you'll find a little self-check for you as parents this week:
5 Signs You Lack Integrity as a Parent
We all want to see our kids become the kind of people we imagine they can become. To some degree we want to see that in their careers, but at the most basic level we want to see that in their character and heart.
How do you do that? I recently heard Mary DeMuth summarize it beautifully, "Become the person you want your child to become."
Two words: "Wow" and "Exactly." That's it, isn't it? The problem, of course, is that for many of us, we long to see in our kids things we don't see in ourselves. And that's an issue - an integrity issue.
And the older your kids get, the easier it is for them to spot an integrity issue in you as a parent. If you want them to be something or do something and they don't see it in you, things fall apart pretty quickly.
Integrity is about making it through trauma. The Latin root for the word simply means "in tact." In the same way we speak of a building that survived a hurricane as having structural integrity, a person shows they have integrity when they survive a crisis or stand up to a test. And sometimes parenting feels like a non-stop series of tests. It tests everything we've got.
While there are many things that compromise our integrity, here are five signs that how your integrity as a parent needs to grow:
1. It's about you, not them.
Do a heart check. It's great to want your child to be honest or responsible. But why? Is it because you want to see that in them? Or is it also because you want to be known as a mom or a dad with great kids? If it's about you more than it's about them, they'll eventually realize it and it will lessen their trust in you.
2. You aren't modeling what you're saying.
It's one thing to tell your kids to control their temper. It's another thing to control yours. It goes without saying that what you do carries far more influence than what you say, unless what you say is consistent with what you do.
3. You and your spouse aren't on the same page.
I realize this is almost an epidemic in parenting, but you simply need to do the hard work of getting agreement on key issues with your spouse. The older your kids get, the more important this is. Not only will your kids learn to manipulate the gap they see, the gap itself is confusing and disappointing to them. Although they might never admit it, they want you to be on the same page.
4. You fail to do what you said you were going to do.
This isn't just about keeping promises; it's about keeping your word in everything. Better to say nothing and surprise your kids by delivering something great than blurt out an intention you can't fulfill. Don't promise a trip to Disney when you can't even afford a trip to Dollywood. Don't say you'll be there at 3:30 and show up at 3:45. Ultimately, your kids lose confidence in you when you fail to deliver. It's a trust issue. Under-promise and over-deliver.
5. You are a controlling parent.
Controlling parents ultimately lose the hearts of their kids. If you don't believe me, ask yourself this question: how do you as an adult like it when someone tries to control you? Precisely. Why would your kids be any different? You can be authoritative without being authoritarian. If you are trying to control everything your child does, you might be successful when your kids are in preschool, but when high school comes along, it will be a whole other story. Control incites either compliance or rebellion. It never creates healthy relationships.
If you start to address issues like these, you will grow in integrity. You will become more of the person you want your child to become!
What insights have you guys gained on parenting with integrity? What would you add to this list?
Have a great week!
Jeff
It's Wednesday, so it's time for this week's blog with all the info you need for the week!
1. BIGNITE is TONIGHT! We're gonna be grilling out dogs and burgers and playing some kickball over at Moss-Wright park from 5:30 - 7:30. We'll be meeting up near the sand volleyball courts so that's where you can drop off and pick up your students. The event is free so bring your kids and bring a neighbor's kids!
2. Sunday morning, our students will be diving into the book of Luke again during Sunday School....we get cranked up at 9:30!
3. Sunday night both our guys and girls Bible studies will be meeting at 6 PM (girls at the Kelly house, guys at the McMillan house).
4. All of you should receive a letter in the mail sometime this week about our Graduate Recognition breakfast that we will be having on Sunday morning, May 20th. Please be prepared to help us out in honoring our seniors by providing a breakfast dish as instructed in the letter. If you are the parent of one of our seniors, please know that we don't expect you to cook anything...we just want you to come!
5. Parents of Seniors - I need 10-12 pictures of your seniors ASAP to put together the Senior video...it would be best if you could bring me a digital copy if you have one, but if not I can scan them in. Also we want to invite you to come in (at your earliest convenience) to record a audio message to your senior that we will play behind the pictures. You can call me (615-838-9755) or email me (Jeffkelly@fbcgoodlettsville.com) to set up a time to do this.
6. If your student is going to Centrifuge with us this summer, we need to get the second payment in towards their balance. This is a $100 payment. If you are using Kroger funds, please email me at the address above or Elizabeth (elizabeth@fbcgoodlettsville.com) to let us know so we can get the funds moved. If you have not paid your $50 deposit that was due last month, we will need a payment of $150 this week to hold your student's spot. After this coming Sunday we will begin the process of dropping spots that have been left unpaid (if we don't it ends up costing the church an extra $50 per student spot that we hold onto that is left vacant). Please contact me if we need to work out additional payment options for you and your student, and we'll be happy to do so!
7. During the week of June 4-8 we will be hosting VBS and GFUGE here at FBCG. As part of our GFUGE event we are in need of 4-5 homes that would be willing to let 8-12 students crash at their homes on Mon-Thurs evenings. You would not be responsible for feeding any meals to students, but rather simply allowing a place for them to crash and sleep in the evenings. We also would need you to help us transport them to the church for VBS each morning and to help get them back to your homes each evening. I know this is a lot to ask (4 whole nights!!!) but this is a crucial component of the social aspect of the event. If you would be willing to help us by hosting a group of students please let me know ASAP!
8. Friday night, May 18th we will be having a campout and bonfire at the Boxwell Springs Boyscout campground. This will be a co-ed event with students sleeping in cabins. We'll grill on the bonfire, play some capture the flag and have a great night of fun...more details TBA next week.
That's a lot of info so let me know if you have any questions....below you'll find a little self-check for you as parents this week:
5 Signs You Lack Integrity as a Parent
We all want to see our kids become the kind of people we imagine they can become. To some degree we want to see that in their careers, but at the most basic level we want to see that in their character and heart.
How do you do that? I recently heard Mary DeMuth summarize it beautifully, "Become the person you want your child to become."
Two words: "Wow" and "Exactly." That's it, isn't it? The problem, of course, is that for many of us, we long to see in our kids things we don't see in ourselves. And that's an issue - an integrity issue.
And the older your kids get, the easier it is for them to spot an integrity issue in you as a parent. If you want them to be something or do something and they don't see it in you, things fall apart pretty quickly.
Integrity is about making it through trauma. The Latin root for the word simply means "in tact." In the same way we speak of a building that survived a hurricane as having structural integrity, a person shows they have integrity when they survive a crisis or stand up to a test. And sometimes parenting feels like a non-stop series of tests. It tests everything we've got.
While there are many things that compromise our integrity, here are five signs that how your integrity as a parent needs to grow:
1. It's about you, not them.
Do a heart check. It's great to want your child to be honest or responsible. But why? Is it because you want to see that in them? Or is it also because you want to be known as a mom or a dad with great kids? If it's about you more than it's about them, they'll eventually realize it and it will lessen their trust in you.
2. You aren't modeling what you're saying.
It's one thing to tell your kids to control their temper. It's another thing to control yours. It goes without saying that what you do carries far more influence than what you say, unless what you say is consistent with what you do.
3. You and your spouse aren't on the same page.
I realize this is almost an epidemic in parenting, but you simply need to do the hard work of getting agreement on key issues with your spouse. The older your kids get, the more important this is. Not only will your kids learn to manipulate the gap they see, the gap itself is confusing and disappointing to them. Although they might never admit it, they want you to be on the same page.
4. You fail to do what you said you were going to do.
This isn't just about keeping promises; it's about keeping your word in everything. Better to say nothing and surprise your kids by delivering something great than blurt out an intention you can't fulfill. Don't promise a trip to Disney when you can't even afford a trip to Dollywood. Don't say you'll be there at 3:30 and show up at 3:45. Ultimately, your kids lose confidence in you when you fail to deliver. It's a trust issue. Under-promise and over-deliver.
5. You are a controlling parent.
Controlling parents ultimately lose the hearts of their kids. If you don't believe me, ask yourself this question: how do you as an adult like it when someone tries to control you? Precisely. Why would your kids be any different? You can be authoritative without being authoritarian. If you are trying to control everything your child does, you might be successful when your kids are in preschool, but when high school comes along, it will be a whole other story. Control incites either compliance or rebellion. It never creates healthy relationships.
If you start to address issues like these, you will grow in integrity. You will become more of the person you want your child to become!
What insights have you guys gained on parenting with integrity? What would you add to this list?
Have a great week!
Jeff
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